Brasa kaya udah ratusan kali gw dngerin lagunya Disciples – ‘tersenyumlah’
Entah knapa lagu itu kaya punya ‘kekuatan’ sendiri bwat akhirnya bikinn gw tersenyum stiap kali gw denger lagu itu dan sampe ahirnya aware kalo ada yg ‘salah’ dlm hdup gw ahir-ahir niy..
Gw seneng banget denger penggalan lagunya yg berkata “tersenyumlaah…dan bersyukur selalu…karena dirimu berharga dan berarti dihadapanNya..” Heumm… apakah mungkin karena gw udh ngerasa tidak terlalu precious lagi akhir2 niy …wew,mungkin juga karena keadaan dan situasi yang baru-baru ini gw hadepin bener2 nge-force gw bwat gampang meledak-ledak ,kaya kbnykan nelen premium/solar (jd gmpang ksulut "api" amarah)
..EMOSIAAAN ajaaa bawaaannya !!
Lagi-lagi gw sempet jadi orang bodoh yang cuma bisa nyalahin ‘keadaan’ tanpa brusaha ngerubahnya…jadi orang yang mau aja dipengaruhin sama ‘keadaan’ bukannya berusaha mempengaruhi ‘keadaan’ itu sendiri…
Cuma bisa jadi fake people yang slalu bilang “well..everything’s gonna be alrite huh?!” dan berpikir smuanya akan dislamatkan oleh yang namanya ‘waktu’, …
mau aja jadi keledai yang slalu jatuh dilubang yang sama dan pasrah sama situasi kaya gitu sambil ngejalaninnya dengan pikiran “yaudalaahh..jalanin aja toh smuanya bakalan mengalir ,with the flow lah” ….
and the worst gw sempet jadi orang yang mau aja nurutin ego dan kata hati gw sendiri untuk ‘sok kuat’ ngadepin smuanya dengan kekuatan sendiri tanpa melibatkan Tuhan apalagi manusia ! Perhaps, krn gw ngerasa cukup “independent” bwat ngejalanin smuanya dan take it all easy as I thought everything’s will be like my favorite tagline ‘easy come.. easy go’ ..that’s a life huh?!
Pada intinya, Lately it seems like I had unconsciously piled much pebbles up yang absolutely gw tau itu bakalan ngeganggu ‘jalan’ gw..but after the times goes by I just realized that I’m dealing with this…well, gw kaya uda get used dan jatohnya jd ‘nyaman’ buat ngebiarin smuanya itu. Till d day I woke up with d thousand things screwing up my head.. then at that time I found out that there’s A BIG STONE..even a huge stone, which is made by MY SELF ! YES dammit.. I just did it !
Smuanya ud brubah jd sebongkah batu yang luar biasa besar nya sampe2 bukan cuma menghalangi ‘jalan’ gw aja tapi juga ‘ngerusak’ semua ‘jalan’ yg udah pernah gw lewatin dan yang akan gw lewatin… well, begitulah kira-kira kalo diilustrasiin ..(heheh smoga ada yg mudeng ;p)
Losing the real purpose of my life…losing the real sense of life…losing my guidance these days….hmpffh…sounds weird huh?? Well.. however I just felt like “I AM LOSING GROUND!”…
Beside my recently chores made me completely depressed these days… indeed, the surfeit came so easily !
The top moment occurred when one day there’s accidently a voice within that said “Hey donna..just be still..back to your focus..u are not alone …masih ada waktu! Just know that God is God!”…
Mungkin kdengeran ambigu buat sbagian orang .. but if you know who you are you will also know who forms you to be who you are ! Yeahh..just like one songs of Christina Aguilera that says “When there's no one else Look inside yourself.. Like your oldest friend.. Just trust the voice within.. Then you'll find the strength.. That will guide your way.. You will learn to begin To trust the voice within...”
That’s totally true ..When I felt I’m safe inside my room..I tend to dream of a place where nothing's harder than it seems..then no one ever wants or bothers to explain all the heartache life can bring and what it means.. hell yeahh..i’m not supposed to be hiding of all these sucks things..coz I would never change if I just had ran away.. whereas it’s hard to stand my ground when I’m feeling so anxious… So when I’m lost outside..just look INSIDE my soul.. keep in your faith and just BELIEVE it ! don’t try to FEEL it ! Then you'll find the strength !
Back to the title of this post “tersenyumlah!” … to be honest gw sampe lupa kapan trakhir gw bener-bener bisa tersenyum dengan tulus akan sesuatu hal atau apapun itu ! yaa.. bukan brarti gw jd org yg superjutek ahir-ahir ini… I’m not that bad! But as well as we know that one sincere smile can change everything.. even one little smile that comes deeply from the heart could heal a person life.. and also a real smile can prove that the person is really pure enough to be grateful for its life.. And the point is I almost have NO reason to be smile.. I mean to show it from the deepest.. because I thought that It’s not a big deal for me…all I had thought most is How to make a great efforts for my own needs..Then I went my own way…. =(
Finally I found that the MOOD is the root of all what’s been going to my self these days.. Kebodohan yg terbodoh yg gw lakukan adalah I always wait to take action or get a move until I am in the right mood, but the right mood NEVER comes ! So, In fact I don’t do anything !
And the answer is “I DON’T NEED TO BE IN THE MOOD ; I DON’T NEED TO ‘FEEL LIKE IT’ ..I JUST NEED TO DO IT, WHATEVER IT IS “
